How to stop comparing yourself to her (or anyone else)

TROPICALHi Boss,
 
I was scheduled to send out one more post about my new package but feel like writing off the cuff because it’s been a DAY.
 
All courtesy of my sometimes crazy, possibly out to get me head.
The day started off all sunshine and kittens until I innocently decided to listen to a podcast on my morning walk only to hear how this girl made over 100k in her FIRST 3 months in business and I was like whaaaaat!?!
 
How? Like, literally how are people doing this?
 
Panic and anxiety and stress started to bubble up inside of me.
 
Thoughts like “walking… what are you doing walking? ain’t nobody got time for that. YOU better get home and get your ass to werk!” were racing through my head.

I thought damn, I should be making 6 figures every 90 days! I’m older and more experienced and blab blah de blah blah.

 
I even went so far as to think I must have some unconscious programming that makes easy success impossible for me. (when all else fails just blame it on your unconscious because um that’s kinda hard to fix).
 
Yeah I was on one.
 
So I had to do what I do and coach myself off the ledge – one, because I had a full day of work to get through and two, because I soooo dislike feeling icky like that!

Here’s what I came up with for handling the compare and despair blues…in case it ever happens to you.

 
1. GET DRESSED – I took a shower, blow dried my hair, did a full face of makeup and got dressed as nice as I possibly could for a hot Wednesday afternoon. Tony Robbins talks about breaking states – things like changing your posture (shoulders up) can create a huge shift in how you feel and approach situations.
Well,  same can be said for dressing up! When I look my best, I feel better. I realize some of you may do this daily but I work from home and can be total schlumpadink when I’m on a work bender so I did this first
2. GO CLEAN AND CLEAR – I stepped away from the interwebs, set a time for 30 minutes, put on some good music and cleaned out my purse, my wallet and the trunk of my car.
There’s some buddhist quote I can’t find about how cleaning ANYTHING calms a turbulent mind. It works! I just should’ve gotten dressed and all made up after the cleaning not before…
3. PUT ON BIG BLINDERS – This really is the key to not falling down the rabbit hole in the first place. You’ve got to have the discipline to not do things that hurt.
It’s like stalking someone on social media who’s dumped you. It ONLY brings pain. The simple advice: STOP IT!
I’ve done a lot of unsubscribing in the past 3 months and even with social media if I ever start to feel the comparison itch, I stop, delete, block or whatever I need to do in order to feel good and protect my energy. Today I didn’t do that and I paid for it.
Having an online business that requires social media makes it harder but not impossible. If you start to get into comparing where you are with where they are – just separate from it completely. Walk away.
4. DO THE WORK – Lastly, spend some time on your own projects and goals. Even one hour or 3 tiny things will reset your focus for the day.
The other thing I use when I’m strugglin’ is this life-changing tool called The Work. I went last October to spend 10 days with this woman and this practice really works… when I use it. It’s all totally free on that site. The thought I worked today was “It’s not possible for me”.
Does the comparison trap ever happen to you?
 
If yes, please leave a comment below and share what you do to feel better. Comparison hangovers are the worst.
Ok I’m off for now…
Love,
Carla xo
P.S. What do you think of the giphy?! I think I’m gonna start abusing that privilege now that I know how to use em.
 
 
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18 Comments

  1. Hi Carla! I totally get you! I’m not even sure how I am on your mailing list to be honest. But I’m always thinking how are these people doing this stuff.

    1. thanks for commenting kellie!! even if you don’t know how you got here, glad you did 🙂
      yeah, i honestly wish there was more transparency around what people have invested in and spent to make big numbers like that. i love the inspiration piece of it but sometimes i go down in a blaze of glory (and comparison) when i see numbers like that…. glad to know i’m not alone.

  2. I love this Carla! Especially the tip about getting dressed up. When I left my full-time job last year to go into business for myself, I never stopped getting up and getting dressed every single morning. I’m up by 5 or 6am daily and I shower and get dressed before 8am. Sometimes it’s dressy, sometimes it’s yoga pants (because I teach yoga and it would be crazy to teach in a dress), but rarely do I work in sweats or pajamas like I hear some people do. I’d totally be asleep on the job. But most importantly, it keeps my productivity up. Awesome post! Thanks for sharing your brilliance!!

    1. it makes such a HUGE difference christine!! i have a bad habit of being in pajamas but when i dress up i feel a zillion times better!!! and it ties in with healthy eating for me too (which i know you talk about) i literally eat better when i’m dressed nicely. 🙂 thanks for popping by and for commenting!

  3. I love this post Carla! So fun and fresh. Love the Buddhist quote you can’t remember AND YES TO GIPHYS!!!!!
    PS Great tips! Getting dressed and clearing space, yes! Sometimes I can’t even get myself to get dressed. Sometimes it’s baby steps like, brush my teeth. Then I’m like, oh yeah, that’s what I needed all day! #workfromhomeprobs #shouldihavesharedthat

    1. right!?!?!?! i realized when i was feeling all bad and negative that i worked all day and night yesterday withOUT a shower and woke up and went straight to laptop again today. then it hit me…dammmn gurl. get up and get DRESSED. full out! or at least shower and brush your hair :p #totalworkfromhomeproblems #gladyousharedthat #brushingteethcampaignforpeoplewhoworkfromhome

  4. Thanks so much for being REAL! As women, we compare our physical appearance to Hollywood stars and models and Kardashian butts – but it’s like now that we’re entrepreneur it gets worse as know we compare our businesses, too!

    Anyone who says that comparisonitis hasn’t affected them is a #liar.

    As long as you keep reporting the truth on the work, time and then amazing results you and your clients get – I’ll keep reading your blog 🙂

    PS – love the giphy!

  5. You are preaching to the choir, Carla! I can totally relate to this right now and even wrote a similar post over on my blog today. I have to stop comparing myself to others, know that with my nose to the grind, I too, can achieve success (and already have in a lot of ways) and remember why I run my business and love what I do. Glad to know that every boss goes through this, more often than not! 🙂

    1. i can’t wait to read your post jessie!! i think it must be in the zeitgeist because so many of us are going through this. yeah i definitely think one of the biggest pieces for us entrepreneurs is to mind our own business literally. the more i stay focused on my own path, the further i get faster. and of course with support from other amazing women like you! thanks for commenting 🙂

  6. oh my gosh jessica, i use to compare myself to girls in magazines as a tween/teen sooooo bad!

    years later… my photographer friend said “oh you know that’s all photoshopped, right?” and my jaw dropped.

    i didn’t even know what photoshop was!!

    was like the curtain being pulled back in the wizard of oz and you find out the wiz is just a little old man.

    but yeahhh all the work part gets lost and the focus is put on the celebration…hmm, that gives me an idea for another post about the investment of doing one of those big money making launches. i know you know all about that topic!

    thanks for reading and commenting!! 😀

  7. First…”I work from home and can be total schlumpadink when I’m on a work bender.” YES. I actually LOLed when I read that.

    Comparison is the worst. We all do it, we all know we shouldn’t, and we all get the energy sucked out of us because of it. Your tips are awesome because you’re not denying that fact — they’re things we can do to counteract comparisonitis, not pretend like we can remove it completely…because we can’t.

    The cleaning tip is so key!! I do the same thing when I’m feeling overwhelmed about anything. I think of it as a quick win. Like “my workload is crazy and my sister is driving me nuts and my dog is sick but damn it, this kitchen looks amazing!” It really helps reset your mind and gives you some mojo back to get to work.

    Love this, Carla!! Keep sharing the realness!

    1. Hahaha exactly!! If you’re gonna be upset at least have a clean kitchen to show for it…. Few things are more satisfying 😀

      And yes, for those things we can’t totally avoid I love having some simple things to turn to to feel a bit better. Focusing on what I’m grateful works wonders too!

      Thanks Whitney 🙂

  8. AMEN! First, thank you for being real. Second, yes to all it!

    The worst for me is instagram. I’ve often taken breaks from it just because I can’t handle one more perfectly curated life. GAHHHH!! Your kid HAS to have at least one bright colored plastic toy!?!? Or you can’t REALLY eat that beautiful of food all the time, where’s the chic-fil-a?!?!

    Sometimes it’s just too much!

    1. pshahah totally!! i’m so guilty of it too!! i remember taking a bite of some food i made and then thinking OH damn i need to take a picture of this first…let me restyle that plate. the pressure to look perfect is real. it’s such a fine line between being inspiring/aspirational and being real so i get it but seeing the chic-fil-a realness (when it’s really real and not staged as being real) is totally refreshing.

      xoxo

  9. Yes! I just had a breakdown yesterday after meeting a bunch of bloggers. One seemed so put together – happy and cute with a huge engagement ring! I wanted to go home and crawl in a hole.

    Also the gifs are great!

    1. I have soooooo been there, Melissa! We basically look at a snapshot of someone else’s life, think they’ve got it all together and we suck because we don’t. Truth is no one has it all together at all times… Thanks for being so transparent and for commenting! XO

  10. Hi Carla, I’ve had to stop comparing myself too. It’s so ridiculous. Someone said to me once, all you have to do is be you, because you’re the only you. And I was like, I’m the only me!!! Of course, it’s so simple and so easy, that’s all I have to do! Anyway…feedback on the giphys. I find them incredibly distracting and annoying! Funny pictures to illustrate your point are cute but the moving images in the corner of my eye just make it hard for me to read the text. Thanks lovely!

    1. YES! That is so true. There will never ever ever be another you. Such a good reminder and focal point.

      Don’t worry I’ll use the giphy’s with select care 🙂

      Thanks for commenting ,Aminah. Good to hear from you!! XO

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